The first and most important thing to say: It’s Going To Be OK. You Are Going To Be OK. Take a deep breath and lets talk about how to get you there.
You are probably in a really hard place right now. You’re grieving the loss of your family and your dreams. You may feel lost about what you need to do and how to get there. And you may even be giving me a side look thinking “I don’t even know what I’m going to feed the children for dinner, there is no way that I can sit to think through my goals.” I get it, time is hard to find. But if you are intentional and thoughtful about your divorce it will substantially decrease your chaos and anxiety. If you can give me just a few minutes it will help you feel more grounded and prepared.
Ok, now that you have a minute, let’s really think about what you want your life to be. Go get your pen, a soothing drink, and take a deep breath. Follow the steps below to help you envision your new future.
When you determine your goals you are looking for your interests. This is not what you want. But it’s the situation around what you want. For example:
Position: I want $5000 a month in maintenance. This is NOT what we’re looking for.
Interests/Goals: I want enough money to feel stable and know that I have a safety net. This is what you want to identify.
Now that you know what you’re looking for, do the following:
Discover your goals and interests:
- First round of determining goals and interests: Review the list of goals HERE. It may be easier to print it out. Write down or circle any that really speak to you. Be free and don’t be stingy.
- Narrow it down to the most important: Get another color pen if that will help, or write it down in a list. Pick your top 5ish and write them down. Keep these ready to share with your attorney.
Envision your future:
- Write down what you want your life to be in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years.
- Write down what you want for your spouse in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years.
- Write down what you want for your children in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years.
NOW STOP! If you’re like me, you will want to plan out every single step for the next 10 years. While that is a laudable method in many cases, it isn’t here. There are so many different considerations in divorce (taxes, practicality, cash flow, liens, etc), and so many creative possibilities that making a plan isn’t going to help. Instead, write down what you want to have happen and then let your attorney help you with the specifics.
If you don’t have it yet, consider DOWNLOADING our free E-Book: Planning for Divorce.
The next thing you need to do is pick the right process for your family. Check out the next blog HERE for thoughts on how to do that. We also offer a free 15 minute initial consultation with an attorney. Contact us today to see how we can help you move forward.