Your Best Divorce Step 4: Therapy and Coaching
While this says its step 4, we really hope that you’ve been working with a therapist as step 0—before you even start the divorce process. We have found that without a doubt the people who are the most successful through the family law process are those who are working with a therapist and/or a divorce coach.
Finding the right therapist and divorce coach is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. Even better, we find that people with a good therapist and/or divorce coach spend less on their attorneys fees! Keep reading to learn more about how these professionals can help you.
What Is the “Right” Therapist?
You know the feeling when you really connect with someone? Where you feel like they really understand you, and that you can communicate well? That is such a great feeling to find anywhere. But it’s really important to find when you’re looking for a therapist. While all therapists are professionals, they are also humans. They will do their best to meet you where you are and help you. But at the end of the day, in order for your therapist to be able to do their best for you, they have to be able to have a connection with you. It’s hard for you to disclose your deepest, darkest thoughts to someone that you don’t jive with.
The right therapist depends on you and your needs. Factors to consider include:
- Personality. Do you connect? Do you feel comfortable talking about hard things with them?
- Availability. They could be the best possible fit, but if you can’t make the time of day work with their schedule then it’s not a good fit.
- Ability to push you. A therapist who just listens and affirms you is not going to help you do better through your journey. They need to be able to push you in a kind way.
- Consistency. You need to be able to go to them and see them consistently at the rate you need. That may be weekly or every other week. If there is something that gets in the way of that consistency, then its not a good fit.
Finding a Therapist
One of the hardest things to do is to find a good therapist. Sadly, the reality is that the good ones typically have waiting lists and/or are not covered by insurance. You usually need to call many people before you find anyone who will even answer the phone. We encourage you to still seek and obtain therapy, even if its not the best of the best, because you will need support going forward.
Here are some resources on where you can find a therapist:
- Your insurance carrier. Typically when you log into their portal there is an option for “find a service provider”. Input what you’re looking for and see what options come up.
- Betterhelp.com or Talkspace.com can have some surprisingly good therapists, with flexible options of what is helpful for you. They also generally have more flexible hours with video visits to fit into your schedule. Sondermind is another option that many insurance companies cover.
- Psychology Today: Find a Therapist. This site has the most thorough database of all therapists, insurance accepting and private, anywhere. It is a good resource to find people who may not have the best internet marketing, but are great therapists.
- The Marriage and Family Clinic, Westminster: Our colleagues at The Marriage and Family Clinic specialize in helping people going through divorce. They also have a men’s divorce support group, which is very hard to find.
How a Divorce Coach Can Help You:
Divorce coaches can be a very valuable member of your support team. They will help you prepare for the choices that you are going to be making along the way. They can help you have better communication with your attorney, and be prepared to have better success in mediation and any court hearings. I have found that people with divorce coaches almost always have a far smaller attorney bill! Questions that they would often ask their attorneys at a high rate can often be answered by coaches instead. Learn more about how a divorce coach can help you here: